Why Your “Too ness” Is Actually a Superpower (Not a Flaw)

Why Your “Too‑ness” Is Actually a Superpower (Not a Flaw)

Have you ever been called "too”-something?

Too loud. Too quiet. Too emotional. Too ambitious. Too intense. Too honest.

If you’ve ever been told you’re “too” anything, you’re not alone. But here’s the reality - being called “too” is really just someone’s way of saying, “You’re making me uncomfortable.”

And it has a way of making us try to shrink, soften, or smooth out our edges in order to try to be accepted in a world that too often shies away from authenticity in favour of fitting in.

I’m here to shatter that notion by telling you that what someone else calls “too much” might just be your most powerful gift.

First, I think it’s important to understand why it hurts us when we’re labelled as “too” something.

Humans are hard-wired to seek connection, and we’ve evolved to care deeply about social belonging. Research shows that social rejection activates the same regions of the brain as physical pain (Eisenberger et al., 2003). That’s why it hurts when people disapprove, exclude, or judge us.

Our brains developed in environments where being accepted by the group was literally a matter of survival. So when we express something authentic and it’s met with disapproval? Our nervous system reads it as if it were a real physical threat.

It’s not weakness. It’s neuroscience - and it just part of our evolutionary wiring.

The problem is that when we start shrinking ourselves to make others comfortable, we are damaging our sense of self. We are attempting to erase a piece of who we are, muting our voice and editing our expression, to allow someone else to stay in their comfort zone, all because we have been conditioned to think that fitting in is the most important thing, and that our value is based on other people’s opinions of us.

When we allow others to dictate our “too-ness” and try to conform into a version of ourselves that other people find palatable, we are in a sense, apologizing just for existing.

But that “too-ness” - the parts of you that people have disapproved of, labelled, or rejected? Well, they might actually be the most powerful, honest, and magnetic parts of who you are.

Let’s get brutally honest here. What people are often actually saying when they tell you you’re “too” something?

• “You’re operating outside my comfort zone.”
• “You’re not following the script I expected.”
• “Your authenticity is reminding me of something I’ve hidden in myself.”

And the cold, hard truth that they aren’t able to face?

That’s not about you.
That’s about them.

Let’s flip the narrative, because I want to start re-framing your “too” as a superpower.

• Too loud? You bring energy and presence.
• Too quiet? You hold space and observe deeply.
• Too intense? You bring passion and focus.
• Too sensitive? You notice nuance and offer empathy.
• Too ambitious? You challenge the status quo and reach for more.

So it’s time to stop asking, “How can I be less?”
And start asking, “How can I explore the strengths in my “too-ness” and start to nurture it instead of smother it?”

Because in the right environment, your “too” might be exactly what’s needed.

No longer apologizing for being you, and beginning to reclaim your voice, doesn’t happen overnight. It happens one moment, one reflection, one boundary at a time.

5 Ways to Start Reclaiming Your Voice

Here are five practical tools to help you stop apologizing for who you are:

1. Watch Your Language: Stop apologizing for taking up space.
   Re-frame: “Sorry, I just wanted to say…” → “I’d like to add something to that.”
2. Identify & Reclaim Your ‘Too’: Write it down. Name who gave it to you. Then flip the script - what’s the strength hiding in that label?
3. Release Responsibility for Their Feelings: Their reaction is not your responsibility. You’re never going to be everyone’s piece of cake. That’s ok. Not everyone will be yours either.
4. Find an Empowering Mantra: Try:
• “I am allowed to take up space.”
• “I’m not too much. I’m exactly enough.”
• “I won’t shrink to soothe discomfort I didn’t cause.”
5. Find Your Safe Stage: Practice showing up fully in places that feel safe. Journal it, say it in the car, text a friend, or speak it to yourself in the mirror. You’re building your resilience muscles one rep at a time.

Here’s a few journal prompts to help you explore the strengths in your “too”.

• What have I been apologizing for - directly or indirectly - about who I am?
• What’s one “too” that I’ve felt ashamed of - and how might it actually be my gift?
• Who have I been shrinking myself for - and why? What power have I given away?

Final Thoughts

You are not too much.
You are not too loud, too sensitive, too opinionated, too intense, or too anything.

You are exactly enough.

The world doesn’t need more versions of who someone else thinks you should be. There’s plenty of those out there already.
It needs you - fully, fiercely, and unapologetically, 100% you.

💜 Ready to stop shrinking and start owning your power?
Download the Bounce Back Blueprint - free tools, reflection prompts, and a little tough love to help you rebuild your confidence and resilience.
👉 transformativejourneys.ca