How I Set Realistic Goals Instead of Resolutions (And Why It Works)

By Johanna LeRoux | Transformative Journeys

It’s just about that time of year again…

Are you a New Year’s resolution kind of person?
I used to be - sort of.

I’ve made a lot of resolutions over the years. A ton of them, to be honest.
Go to the gym.
Eat better.
Finally organize the house - and keep it that way.

Well… I’m not doing any of those things consistently, so that tells you how well New Year’s resolutions have worked out for me. My very last New Year’s resolution was to never make another one again.

I know I wasn’t alone.

According to Mark Cox at Metropolitan State University of Denver, of the approximately 40% of people who make New Year’s resolutions, only about 9% of them actually complete them or stick with them past a year.

Roughly 23% quit by the end of the first week, and 43% quit by the end of January.

So, if that’s been your pattern too? You’re in good company here, because historically I typically fell somewhere in between those two.

And if you’re tired of blaming yourself, or thinking you just don’t have “willpower” (like I did), this week on the podcast we took a good, hard look at why these resolutions fail - through the lens of neuroscience, psychology, and self-compassion

So why is it that resolutions rarely stick?

Turns out there are a lot of reasons – that have zero to do with willpower, and everything to do with the way our brains work.

Our brains are wired to look for and prefer predictability and possibility – and doesn’t care much about self-improvement, which it basically sees as a waste of energy and resources.
When we suddenly try to overhaul our routines (like deciding to hit the gym six days a week when we haven’t worked out in months), our brain hits the panic button.

And if we have developed a self-limiting belief because we have failed to reach goals in the past, our brain’s threat detector, the amygdala, is more likely to try to put the brake on this new threat to predictability before we even start – because it interprets this drastic change we want to make as instability, and even danger.

It resists and tries to sabotage our efforts at every opportunity.

Then there’s willpower - that magical thing we’re told we just need more of if we really want something.
The problem there is that willpower is a very limited resource that goes up and down throughout the day depending how tired, stressed, or overwhelmed we feel.

It lives in our prefrontal cortex – the same part of our brain that’s already running our daily decision-making, mental energy, and emotional regulation. And it’s a bit like a daily bank account, so every time we have to make a decision – big or small – we are making a withdrawal from that account.

(And yes, choosing the yogurt parfait over the Mighty McGriddle… or not flipping off the guy who cut you off in traffic… withdraws from your willpower account bit by bit.)

So by the time 5:30pm rolls around and you're deciding between the gym or cheese strings and salami in front of the fridge?
Yeah… its probably because that account is empty.

Let’s not forget the language of most resolutions:
“I’m going to stop…”
“I won’t…”
“I’m cutting out…”

That is deprivation language – and our brains don’t like being deprived. Its whole mission in life is really to avoid pain and seek pleasure. Deprivation triggers our amygdala’s threat response, and our brain will do whatever it takes to bring things back to “normal.” Even if “normal” is the precise thing you want to change.

And by the way – the more vague you are about what it is you have “resolved” to change? The more opportunity you’re allowing for your brain to wiggle into the least uncomfortable option. Well… 3 Timbits do have less sugar in them than an apple fritter… and I walked back and forth to my car six times today, so that’s some exercise…

So do I now sit around with the attitude that New Year’s resolutions have never worked in the past so I’m not going to bother to change anything anymore?

Of course I don’t. And I have good news for you. Just because you’ve given up on New Year’s resolutions doesn’t mean you have to give up on change and becoming a better version of yourself.

We may not be wired for big, sweeping changes – but we are wired for rewiring. We just need to trick our brains with strategic baby steps.

Small actions, repeated often, create new neural pathways.
This is neuroplasticity - and it’s the science behind real and lasting change.

Here’s how I approach this now, especially at the end of each year:

First of all - I reflect instead of resolve.

Near the end of every year, I carve out time to take an honest look back at what went well - and what didn’t. I don’t shame myself for what I didn’t accomplish. I use that as ‘data’ and I try to learn from it.

I think about what last year taught me about who I am… what made me feel really good (or really bad) while I was doing it… what felt draining, that I want to figure out how to release or stop doing… how realistic were my goals last year, and how did that effect whether I reached them or not…

Then I look forward at what I want to do in the next year and get honest about what I actually want to see there. And why. That “why” is something that I’ve found gives my brain (and me) an emotional anchor.

And part of that is deciding, not who I want to be – it’s deciding how that fits into who I am, or how I need to shift my internal beliefs to be that person.

This is about setting identity-based goals - not with pressure, but with intention.

Another reason that resolutions often fail is because they’re built on who we want to be – not on who we believe we are right now.
Let’s face it – if we are trying to change something about ourselves and our lives, those two things are often incompatible, and that creates what is called cognitive dissonance. Something else our brains hate.

There’s a quote often attributed to Einstein: “We cannot solve a problem on the same level of consciousness that created it.”

If we try to make outside changes without shifting our internal beliefs, those changes aren’t likely to stick.

For me last year, one of those shifts was from, “I want to be a podcaster” to “I am a podcaster”. Seems simple I know… but it’s the kind of internal shift that helps create both courage, and lasting change.

Maybe you have a health goal. Instead of thinking, “I want to be someone who exercises,” you could try shifting your internal view of yourself to, “I am someone who takes care of my body - even if it looks like a 15-minute walk on my break today.”

And that leads to the next part of my approach now. I build plans – not just hopes. And more importantly, I build realistic plans.

“I want to be a podcaster” or “I want to get in shape” are vague. They’re not plans – they’re wishy-washy, hopeful thinking, and our brains need specificity.

So last year, I built a structured, detailed, weekly schedule for writing, recording, editing, and uploading my podcast, including all of the little associated activities that I knew would go along with it, like social media and my blog.

This year, my goal is to improve my fitness for riding my dirt bike. Super-important for someone quickly approaching her 60^th birthday and who has been relatively inactive for the past 5 years (and let me tell you… I felt it this summer on my bike…).

Instead of relying on willpower, I will develop a structure. In fact, I will develop it right now as I type:

“I’m going to walk for 15 minutes on my 10:30 a.m. break, four days a week. I’ll keep my walking shoes under my desk and set an alarm to remind me. If I miss my morning break, I’ll do it on my afternoon break.

On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I will do some form of resistance training for half an hour after work. If life gets in the way on any of those days, I will pull out my (dusty) yoga mat and do 15 minutes of combined deep stretching and weight-bearing yoga poses.”

That’s a plan. That’s a cue. And it includes a realistic fallback.

And I’m not waiting until January 1^st to do it. There is no time like the present, so as soon as I created this plan (so as I wrote this blog), I will start doing it.

I have also recently started to anchor some habits to reality.

This is referred to as habit stacking (or “habit pairing”), and it works because it relies on our current routines to utilize existing neural pathways – instead of trying to create new ones from scratch.

Squats while I brush my teeth? Yep.
Shoulder and back stretching when I stand up from my desk to walk somewhere? Sure.

Choose your own. It can really be anything where you can either do two things at the same time, or pair an action simultaneously with something you already do.

I’ve learned to use tools that help me with both planning and reminders.

I literally used AI to help me schedule out my weekly podcast workflow. I gave it my task list and available hours, and it built a system that’s actually working for me - even allowing for when life gets messy.

Your tools might be:

Calendar reminders
At-home workout apps
Journal prompts
Habit-tracking stickers
Or yes, a podcast mic staring at you from across the room 😅

Use whatever helps reduce your mental load and increase your momentum.

Let’s not forget the importance of real accountability.

Not performative, “tell the internet” accountability. I’m talking about personal, meaningful, human accountability.
Like someone cheering you on.
In my case, it was a podcast mic gifted by someone who believed in me, reminding me not to waste that belief.

✍️ Want to try some of this for yourself?

Here are a few reflection prompts to help you start your year with intention:

What went really well for me this past year?
What didn’t go as planned - and what can I learn from it?
When did I feel most like me?
What drained me that I don’t want to bring into the new year?
What surprised me about myself or my capabilities?

And here are some Goal-Setting Prompts to gently guide your next steps:

Where is one area I want to grow - even slowly?
What does small progress (not perfect progress) look like?
What kind of support could I ask for or seek out?
How does this goal connect to the person I want to be?

So let me finish up by saying, you don’t need New Year’s resolutions to flourish.
You don’t need a perfect plan.
And you definitely don’t need to become a new person on January 1st.

Here’s to powerful reflections, realistic goals, and becoming more of who you already are.

💜 Want help bouncing back this year?

Grab your free Bounce Back Blueprint - my self-guided mini-toolkit for rebuilding after hard seasons.
It’s packed with reflection prompts, gentle strategies, and resilience tools to help you feel more grounded.
👉 transformativejourneys.ca